How I Got My Agent

This is a post that, at my darkest moments, I never thought I would write. 
This is a post that, at my most hopeful moments, I only dreamed about.
But here I am, sitting in front of my computer, fingers clicking away at the keys, a smile on my face, telling you lovely blog readers...

I GOT AN AGENT.

To those of you who are reading this post, jealousy twisting your hearts, I've been where you are. I know. I know how hard it is, how discouraging, how depressing. Especially when reading success stories. 

Don't. You. Dare. Give. Up.

To show you how much I do understand, here's some background information.
I signed with my agent for THESE WICKED WATERS. My fourth book. That's right. I wrote four books and queried three of them (one was a sequel) before I found an agent. I'm talking over 150 query letters and subsequent rejections.
That doesn't even count the queries I sent out for THESE WICKED WATERS. 
(Hint: here comes the actual How I Got My Agent story.)
Back in June 2015, after winning a few contests, I sent 53 query letters for TWW. Of those, I received the following:
Partial Requests: 1 Partial Upgraded to Full: 1 Full Requests: 1 Rejections: 51
...Or so I thought.
The usual policy with agents is that if you don't hear back in four weeks or so, the answer is "no." I'd closed out all my outstanding query letters and retreated from the front lines. I knew TWW was The One. The truth of it resounded in my bones. But I realized it needed work. And maybe my query letter did too.
I let TWW sit. For almost a year. In the meantime I wrote two other books and focused on this blog. Finally, early this year, I came back to TWW and began a massive rewrite that took months.
The day after I finished my overhaul (June 8), an email pinged my inbox. It was an agent, asking to see the full of TWW, from a query I sent a year ago. I did some hurried proofreading and sent off the full a day later, not expecting much. 
Okay, to be honest I was expecting something: A Rejection.
On the evening of June 15 I got another email. I was sitting at my desk at work, eating dinner with my sister. My phone vibrated. I opened the message, already brushing off the "Unfortunately this isn't what we're looking for." 
When my gaze reached the, "I really enjoyed your book" sentence, I leapt out of my chair. I didn't even read the rest of the email! I started squealing, pacing around my--thankfully empty!--office, babbling nonsense while my sister read the rest of the email. Once sufficiently calmed down, I hurried back to my desk and read the message in a daze.
An agent liked my book!
An agent wanted to talk to me!
To me!
I was shaking. I was so happy tears threatened. I was disgustingly sweaty with nerves. I had no idea what to do with myself. I called my family, told my closest friends. It took me a literal hour to relax enough to think clearly enough to email the agent back.
Things moved quickly at this point. I set up The Call (or so I hoped), accepted her offer of representation, and ok'ed the agent-author contract.
So, now, in as much disbelief as I was when I first got that email, I can say:
Hello. I'm Emily Layne, represented by Becky LeJeune of Bond Literary Agency.
I can't wait to share this process with you guys. This is a phase of the writing world that is brand new to me. I hope we can learn together! Thank you for sticking with me in the querying trenches. Through the ups. And the downs. You're all so wonderful, and I don't deserve you.
Now, how about some help thinking of a new slogan? I'm no longer "a young adult writer braving the slushpile." 
...Am I?

Query Critique #9: KINETIC: THE FIRST ALLIANCE

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

No one ever said being a hero was easy. At the very least, it definitely wasn’t smart.

Kinetic: The First Alliance is the story of intergalactic betrayal and revenge that will forever shape the lives of five teens back on Earth as they struggle to find the meaning of their existences and keep their humanity in the process. One by one, they’re forced them to fight a war light years away that they never asked for, or wanted to be a part of.

(This is all very, very interesting! Unfortunately it’s not necessarily needed. Instead of hurling your audience straight into the plot, you’re summarizing backstory—and what actually happens! I think you could do without this. After all, the real interesting part is the next paragraph!)

In the not-so-distant future, Alex Carter is a southern teen from Houston, Texas who had dreams of going to college and living a nice, boring existence. However, his life just took a turn for the chaotic when he is (I don’t think you need this. Jump straight into the action! His being visited by this “Shyra” is where your story really starts!) visited (Do you have a stronger word other than visited? Is he kidnapped at first?)  by Shyra, a beautiful and deadly alien from a far off world. After revealing Alex can control electricity, and must use his powers to try and save the world (I think something is missing in this sentence. Is Alex supposed to save Earth or Shyra’s world?). She manipulates his need to protect his grandfather (Could you show this? Maybe she threatens to kill his grandfather?), the only family he has left (Maybe earlier in the query letter consider showing how much Alex’s grandfather means to him. Otherwise it only comes off as a contrite plot device to get Alex to leave.), and he chooses to leave with her into the night.

The curt and brazen alien Shyra rips four more kinetics (Might want to explain what that is here), each with different amazing abilities (I can assume they’re amazing, if they’re anything like Alex’s!) from their homes and forces them to be conscripts them as soldiers for an upcoming interplanetary battle-royal I’m not quite sure what you mean by “battle-royal,” but I might just not know the term) to the death. Alex is forced to grow up and become a man and hero in just one year before the evil Zenakuu arrives.

Alex juggles a wide array of emotions for his team and mentor such as love, jealously, brotherhood, and hatred to name a few (Don’t tell us, show!). When war finally makes its way to Earth’s doorstep, Alex must choose between either surviving the day, or sacrificing himself to save the lives of his team.  The fate of humanity lies in the hands of a teenager who is only sure that he’s impossibly unsure (This ending doesn’t have quite the punch that it could, considering tons of planets’ fates rest in the hands of an insecure teenager! Try giving it more punch instead of summarizing what’s to come).

“KINETIC: THE FIRST ALLIANCE” is a 123,000 word Young Adult Sci-fi novel with series potential (Agents always worry that an entire series might not sell, so it's always good to say that the book can standalone). It the first installment in a Sci-fi, Young Adult series and is 123,000 words. It’s pace and theme will appeal to the readers of such books as Pittacus Lore’s “I AM NUMBER FOUR,” and “STEELHEART” by Brandon Sanderson.

Right off: your story sounds like a super cool YA sci-fi! I can already imagine what the movie would be like in my head (definitely saw I AM NUMBER FOUR!). The thing I think you really need to focus on with this query letter is to show instead of tell. You do a lot of glossing over and summarizing instead of going through what actually happens to Alex. The result is lack of empathy for anything he’s going through and lack of interest in his fate (as well as this not-so-distant Earth’s). Try to go through the book and jot down the most important parts as well as a fact about Alex that makes him relatable (other than his wanting to just have a perfectly boring life). Then take those pieces and weave them together to form your query letter. I wish you the very best of luck! Feel free to send the edited version to me, if you so choose!

Vlog #12: Query Letter Reactions

Query Critique: THE FEATHER

I had the opportunity to critique a query letter of one of my favorite writer friends. She told me I could share it on my blog with all of you. Just a disclaimer that I am no expert when it comes to query letters. Any comments are just my own thoughts. Ready?

                                     

13 year old Ariana has a lot of things to worry about. On top of the normal worries like grades, homework, and making friends, she finds herself taking care of her mother who fell into a deep depression when Ari's father went missing several years back.

What Ari doesn't know is that things are about to get worse. A lot worse. This is all unnecessary background information. The next paragraph is where things actually get interesting, so let’s have the query start there.

After a fishing trip turned nightmare, thirteen-year-old Ari finds herself trapped in a parallel universe, with terrifying shadow creatures close on her heels Why are they on her heels?. Her only friend ally is a talking weasel, who informs her that not only can she never go home, but that she's expected to save an entire kingdom from an evil mage who turned his own son into a bird. Why does she have to save the kingdom? She’s the outsider after all.

Can she rise to face the challenges presented to her, or will she turn her back on the people who desperately need her help? Questions at the end of queries are big No-No’s, apparently. Try putting the stakes into just one sentence.

THE FEATHER is a 70,000 word novel that tells the story of Ari, a young girl who is whisked away from her normal life, into one that is almost too impossible to believe.  Though her journeys Ari must come to terms with her inability to control the path she has been put on, or learn to take charge and change it. What kind of novel is it? Sounds like a middle grade novel to me.

Okay, final thoughts. You could stand to make this query longer, especially since it’s a 70,000 word novel. The annoying thing about query letters is you don’t want the agents asking questions. Let me just list mine to help you figure out what direction you want to go into:
    1. Why are the shadow creatures after Ari

          2. Why does Ari have to save this kingdom? Is she the only one? Does she have a special power?        3. What are the stakes? Why does Ari have to save the kingdom? Does she end up caring about the weasel or any of the inhabitants?

Thank you for the opportunity to critique your work. This book sounds incredibly interesting. I can’t wait to see it in print. Good luck!

Touch Your Toes

Picture yourself back in middle school gym class. Remember those physical fitness tests? How long does it take to run a mile? How many push ups can you do?

How flexible are you?

                             

Well, unfortunately the flexibility tests don't end in middle school years. They apply to adult life--figuratively, of course--and writing.

Just yesterday I had work my muscles. As you may know, I've been hard at work writing a query letter for my book. So far I've gone through five versions, and I'm not finished yet. One of my most recent attempts went live as a critique on Evil Editor's blog. The comments were pretty difficult to hear, but important. Which is why I'm doing away with the anonymity EE provides and sharing it with you.

                                       

I realized two things from the comments.

One. My query letter was describing a generic Wonderland that no way existed in my book. The query made it like a boring cut out of all the other Wonderland retellings that have passed before. Trust me when I say, my book is not.

Two. My title, no matter how much I loved it, needed to be changed. There are too many titles of "Underland" for it to even have a chance of standing out.

Of course even more flexibility is required in the publishing process, but the two above are just examples.

So, without further to do, let me announce my new title. Courtesy of my newfound flexibility, I present to you "After Alice," a twist on Lewis Carroll's classic "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland."