Classics Challenge: Moby Dick

This year-long Classics Challenge didn't exactly end on a good note...
In case you were wondering, I didn't finish Moby Dick.
I didn't even bother picking it up after my Mid-Month Update.  The writing style was too wander-y for me. Call me crazy, but I like a story that progresses.
Look forward to a summary post where I discuss some of my favorite books and moments of the Classics Challenge...
And if I would do it again...

Thanksgiving Favorites

For the last month I've been on a restrictive diet to help with a breakout of candida-related acne on my face. By that I mean no refined sugars, limited fruits, no yeast, and low carbs. 
It's been painful. Just ask my family who's had to put up with my whining and moping.
I've still got another week on the diet, but my naturopath gave me the "ok" to enjoy myself on Thanksgiving. She probably didn't realize what she was allowing when she said this...

Anyway! I wanted to share my all-time favorite pumpkin pie recipe with you. This dessert has been the bane of my family Thanksgivings ever since my mom discovered it. And, ever since my aunt accidentally made it in a blender due to my mom's mis-typed instructions (she meant mixer, not blender!), it has lovingly been dubbed "Blender Pie."
DOUBLE LAYER PUMPKIN PIE "BLENDER PIE"
Ingredients:

• 4 ounces Philadelphia cream cheese softened
• 1 tablespoon milk
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 1/2 cups of thawed cool whip
• 1 homemade pie crust (basically butter and mashed graham crackers)
• 1 cup of cold milk
• 1 can (16 ounces) pumpkin
• 2 packages (4-serving size) Jell-O Vanilla Instant Pudding
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Directions (easiest to use a mixer):

Mix cream cheese, 1 tbsp milk and sugar in large bowl, whisk until smooth. Gently stir in thawed cool whip. Spread on bottom of pie crust.

Pour 1 cup cold milk into bowl. Add pumpkin, pudding mixes and spices. Beat until well mixed (mixture will be thick). Spread over cream cheese layer.

Refrigerate 4 hours or until set. Enjoy!

Have a delicious and a Happy Thanksgiving!

Struggles of SciFi

For the last few weeks I've been world-building my new scifi trilogy. It's been a challenge to say the least. 
SECOND-HAND SCAVENGERS was somewhat scifi since it took place in the future (year 2965 to be exact). Except SHS wasn't set in space. My new trilogy is. A whole new galaxy.
This involves planning and imagining that I've never done before. Not only do I have to brainstorm a future society, but I have to determine planets--multiple worlds! This is a problem for someone whose only experience with space was in elementary school.
The real embarrassing moment was when I mistakenly called the sun a "planet" when talking to my sister. Woops.
Luckily, the library exists. And scifi movies. I can check "The Martian," "Interstellar," and "Star Trek Beyond" off my list (though my trilogy isn't going to have aliens!).

I'm slowly making progress, now adding a few craft books to my list of things to read. I plan to take my time because world-building is a foundation and vital for a good story. 
Though procrastination is a forever struggle...

Query Critique #25: DEAD MUSE WAKE

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear ______,

I’m seeking representation and saw on Anon. Agency’s website that you enjoy weird and unpretentious literary fiction seasoned with a good sense of humor. I think my Adult Contemporary (Or whatever genre it happens to be.) novel, Dead Muse Wake DEAD MUSE WAKE, complete at 71,000 words, might be a good fit. (Great intro paragraph. You definitely did your research will make the agent that much more interested in reading the actual query! I will take the agency's name out of what goes on my website though, just for anonymity’s sake.)

When suicidal computer tech and aspiring author Mael Jones’ new muse, Thalia, is murdered, he hallucinates an ongoing relationship with her which inspires what he believes may be the greatest novel ever written—problem is, Mael is the only person who thinks Mael is any good at writing (This first sentence is a mouthful—48 words long! I think you should try to chop this up a bit and take out some things that aren’t necessary. Here’s an example: Thirty-seven-year-old aspiring author Mael Jones’ muse has just been violently murdered. Except, in his mind, she’s still alive and their imaginary relationship makes the perfect novel. Something that really confuses me about this paragraph is Mael’s delusions. At first it seems like he’s so mentally ill that he has no idea that Thalia has really been murdered. Then it seems he realizes he’s making her up and his delusional relationship would make the perfect book.).

Trapped Iin a downward spiral of his own artistic madness, Mael will engages in an half-assed investigation into Thalia’s murder while being manipulated on two fronts: first, by Thalia’s sister who wants him to write a tell-all about the case and second, by a cabal of middle school rebels (led by a thirteen-year-old writing prodigy) (Parentheses are usually a no-no in query letters.) fighting the tyranny of standardized testing (I struggle to see how these two connect.). Oscillating between grandiose delusions and profound self-loathing, Mael will lose everything (and do anything) in his stubborn refusal to accept artistic failure on society’s terms (This ends on a rather depressing note. It seems like Mael doesn’t have any character growth or overcome a anything. He just flops until he loses anything. What is his goal? Does he want to solve Thalia’s murder or write the perfect novel? What’s standing in his way? These are some questions to ponder as you edit this query letter. This paragraph needs some good strong stakes in it. And by stakes I don’t mean a delicious hunk of meat that I happen to be craving, haha. Show us hat Mael sands to lose and the choice he has to make to keep himself from losing whatever it is.).

Dead Muse Wake is my second novel. My first, a sci-fi satire called Under the Suns, was self-published to positive reviews. I’ve included the first five pages below as specified in your submission guidelines. (From what I’ve read, mentioning a self-pubbed book in the bio isn’t necessary since it’s a different type of publishing. But this is at your discretion.) Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Best of luck with your edits!

Classics Challenge: Mid-Month Update

Let me just say that I now understand what early critics of Moby Dick meant when they stated, "The idea of a connected and collected story has obviously visited and abandoned its writer again and again in the course of composition."
Furthermore, Melville goes off on these random tangents. The plot creeps forward at a painful (and downright boring) pace. I'm on page 56. And when I say page 56, trust me that I mean this is an accomplishment. The book I got is thick, the pages are long, and the text is tiny.
Anyway, page 56 and the characters haven't even gotten to the ocean yet.
Is this book about a whale, or what?

Not to mention Ishmael is a strange sort of character. He spends this half of the book making friends with a cannibal and then sharing a bed with him at a inn-ish place.
Whatever I expected from Moby Dick, it was nothing like this!

A Conservative in a Community of Liberal Writers

Typically, my blog posts are reserved for Tuesday's and Thursday's, but after witnessing the aftermath of last night, I felt the need to bump up my schedule.
I never thought I'd write a post like this. Or that I'd witness such hate and foul language flashing across my Twitter feed from authors whose books I have loved, whose work ethic I have respected, and whose success I have admired.
Our nation is under attack. Not from outside forces, but by me and you. I am a Conservative, a Christian, and the daughter of a Lieutenant Colonel in the U.S. Army. I love my nation, my God, my fellow Americans.
And I voted for Donald Trump.
And, according to many, because I chose the candidate who best represented my political views, I am now labeled: a sexist, a racist, a bigot, and other foul things not worth repeating. And I'm furious.
My beliefs cannot be further from the above. For my God commands, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." Mark 12:31.
Therefore, as challenging as it is, yet using Jesus Christ as my example...
I love you, men and women who are slandering me.
I love you, men and women who are angry and hurt that their candidate wasn't chosen.
I love you, men and women who are disrespecting this sacred nation by dishonoring the man who was chosen as our future leader and president.

And I forgive you for hurtful words and assumptions. 
It rained where I live today. In film and novels, rain is often used as a metaphor for "wiping the slate clean" or depicting "a fresh start."
Let's endeavor to do this today, whether we're Republicans, Democrats, Independents...
Whether we're happy or demoralized with the results of the election...
Whether we feel we are being discriminated...
We have the power to change our country. But first, we need to change our view of each other. I'm challenging myself to do this, and I challenge you to do the same.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
God Bless.

Query Critique #24: WHEN SET ABLAZE

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear ______,

WHEN SET ABLAZE (70.000 words) is a 70,000 word YA scifi/dystopian with elements of ancient Roman mythology comparable to that fans of “X-Men” and “The Giver” will enjoy.  as well as 'the Giver’ and containing elements of ancient Greek and Roman history and mythology.

The city of Troy went up in flames around 1200 BC. Now, over 4000 years later, Soteria faces the same fate.

Sixteen-year-old Dawn Bellatoris finds more than she was looking for when she searches for her father (Instead of saying she “finds more than she was looking for” tell us what she finds. That would be the hook!).

As the Librarian’s apprentice she now has the chance to find out what happened to her father, who disappeared years ago and used to work for the Librarian (You’ve just repeated what you said in the first sentence. Consider combining these two together.). During her search for answers, Dawn finds a machine from which a needle appears that injects her with a serum (How does this happen? Does she touch it? Is she in a forbidden part of the library?). This serum gives her the ability to control fire and it makes her veins glow gold (Consider rewording this with strong verbs to show how awesome this new power is!).

But Dawn is not the only one with abilities. From a rival city, supersoldiers come to Soteria (Make it clear earlier on that this is the place where she lives.) with one thing in mind: revenge. Revenge for the people who fell (Do you mean died? How did they die? In a war?) because Soteria didn’t want to intervene (Intervene in what?).

If getting revenge means they need to destroy and entire city and kill or enslave all of its people, then so it will be (Isn’t that usually the goal of invading nations, haha.).

Finding her father is no longer Dawn’s priority. Her city is in danger and with her new abilities, Dawn might be the only one who can save the citizens of Soteria (There are pretty weak stakes here, just because we don’t empathize with anyone but Dawn. Does she have other loved ones in Soteria that she wants to protect? What really motivates her? Saving a nation is great, but I think making it a little more personal will help).

  

WHEN SET ABLAZE is my first YA scifi. I’ve written two Middle Grade books before, which were published by a small, independent publisher called 'Boekscout'. (not sure if I should mention this)

As well as WHEN SET ABLAZE, I have also written two middle grade novels, published by the independent publisher Boekscout. (Put the titles of these books so if interested, agents can look them up. If they won any awards that would be good to mention as well. I also think it might be wise to combine this paragraph with the first one where you introduce the book.)

Thank you for reading this query for your time. The full manuscript is available upon request.

The big thing I noticed in this query letter are the unanswered questions. There are events and locales that I know nothing about. I think you could stand to beef up your query letter as well as the stakes. Furthermore, from your query, I didn’t get the mythology vibe that you promised in your opening. I’d go through your query and make sure you add this element somewhere.

Feel free to send this back to me for another look. Best wishes!!

Query Critique #23: UNTITLED

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

When fifteen-year-old Marc Cheeks’ recovery from a near-fatal stabbing includes enhanced physical powers, he realizes the cliché “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is family fact (This sentence started off awesome, but once I got to “cliché” it failed for me. I think the word “cliché” actually makes it cliché haha. Also the “family fact” threw me until I got to the later sentences and realized what you meant. To be honest, the really cool part of this query, and what I believe to be the hook, is the second sentence. This one, right here à). For every near-death incident, the men in his family are rewarded with even more superhuman strength, but whatever darkness lies inside grows as well. Alcoholism consumes his father. Insanity institutionalizes his uncle. Cancer stole his grandfather. Marc fears what could await him.

This is what I would imagine this paragraph to look like if you decided to use the second sentence as your hook:

With every near-death incident, the men in fifteen-year-old Marc Cheeks’ family are rewarded with increasing superhuman strength—and cursed (I’m sure you can pick something better, but “the darkness inside them grows” puzzled me to how it could relate to cancer and such). Alcoholism consumes his father. Insanity institutionalizes his uncle. Cancer stole his grandfather. After a near-fatal stabbing, Marc fears what could await him.

After his dad takes his own life commits suicide to escape a deep pit of depression, Marc enlists the help of friends and his crazy uncle, Lester, to decipher his father’s last words: “It doesn’t have to be a curse.” A journal entrusted with his dad’s best friend, Milt, offers Marc his only leads in a search for a person defined as a curse-ending soulmate (How did Marc get this journal? Did Milt give it to him?).

The journal teaches Marc how to sideswipe (I think sideswipe is the wrong word here) death and grow stronger, but pieces of himself slip away into apathy and violence (How can a journal do something like this?). He’s becoming the worst parts of his father and his uncle, and the collateral damage includes a body count.

Marc stumbles upon Milt’s plan to manipulate Marc’s budding abilities to steal his way to riches and kill anyone who crosses him. Forced to make a desperate plea to his uncle Lester, Marc discovers his uncle believes he can cure his own insanity by killing Marc (I feel like a little too much plot is going on here. These are great subplots and such, but I think we got off track from the original soulmate solution. Consider getting rid of one or both of these. I don’t think you even need this paragraph necessarily.).

To save himself, Marc must outsmart Milt, defeat an uncle more dangerous than crazy, and find his soulmate before the family curse claims another victim.

Just some surface-level stuff here. You’ve got a plot-solid query. Some tweaking will really make it shine. Good luck!

Classics Challenge: Herman Melville

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men." ~Herman Melville
Alas! Herman Melville is our last author in my Classics Challenge. He is also one of the few American authors I've read.
Melville was born in New York City in 1819. This famous author's love for writing budded in his early childhood, taking the form of short stories and poetry. After his father's death and due to financial hardships, Melville eventually took a job as a cabin boy on the whaling ship Acushnet.
The subsequent years of Melville's life were filled with one adventure after another: deserting the Acushnet with a crewmember, being captured by cannibals (but not eaten) for four months, escaping the cannibals by boarding another whaling ship only to be imprisoned soon afterward for taking part in a mutiny... Melville finally wound up in Hawaii, hopping a ride home to Massachusetts where he hurried to pen his adventures.
His first novel was Typee: A Peep at Polynesian Life. From there his writing career grew. He married and continued writing. Though Moby Dick is considered Melville's best work today, it wasn't the case while he was alive. Critics were unimpressed and sales were dismal. Melville died of a heart attack in 1891 at the age of seventy-two.

Writerly Things to Learn from Herman Melville
1. There's no greater source of inspiration than a writer's life. Melville's adventures shaped the fictional adventures in his books and have made them the classics they are today.
2. Success is relative. Unfortunately, Melville wasn't dubbed a "Great American Author" until after his death. It's important to remember that the accomplishment in writing is a personal victory: you finished a book! It doesn't matter what society thinks.