Classics Challenge: THE TIME MACHINE

It feels like it's been forever since I finished THE TIME MACHINE. Which is kind of bad, considering I'm sitting down to write my "cumulative" review of the book.
To be honest, I can't say I liked it. While the concept of the story: a man inventing a time machine and coming back to tell of his adventures (and then vanishing!), was fantastic...
The future H.G. Wells painted was something I couldn't accept.

Maybe it comes down to my core beliefs or maybe my imagination is lacking. Either way, I couldn't allow myself to really enjoy the book because I found this future world the Time Traveler visited so unbelievable.
And I'm not talking in a good way.
But if you like scifi novels with lots of telling (hey, it was a style back then) and an intriguing (if slow) premise, give THE TIME MACHINE a try. Unfortunately, it wasn't for me.

Other Outlets

I've learned something horrible.
Something downright distressing.
Ladies and gentlemen, editing doesn't leave much room for the imagination.
Sorry, was that not what you were expecting?

But it's true. While, yes, there is some imagining involved in editing, there isn't much. It's mostly analytical, grammar-induced changes. Far cry from writing or plotting. Due to this lack of use, my imagination has found others ways of expressing itself.
Through poetry.
It all began with a poem I wrote for my dad upon his graduation. Since then, my mind has sparked random lines of poetry. Nothing long or epic, just short, pretty verses. The kind of things you'd see on Pinterest.

e.l.layne is me, in case you were wondering

Which is why I created a Pinterest board to keep track of my non-rhyming dalliances. Click here to check it out!
I've only written three poems so far. I don't force the words, instead allowing inspiration to strike when it dares. Which happens to be at rather inconvient times, might I add.
Poetry is certainly a nice change, but I'm looking forward to planning a trilogy that I've got lurking in the back of my mind. As soon as I finish editing WISHES, MAYBE, plotting can begin!

Waiting to Edit

If you wade through my 2016 posts, you'll find me declaring this year as "The Year of Edits."
Logic would suggest, if 2016 is The Year of Edits, 2015 was The Year of Writing.
Which is 100% true.
I spent 2015 writing three different novels and only went through them to proofread a handful of times. Now I'm returning to each and giving them the old-fashioned "spit and shine."
And, boy, do they need a lot of spit!

Now that SECOND-HAND SCAVENGERS is in the capable hands of my beta readers, I've transitioned my attentions to WISHES, MAYBE, a book I haven't touched, read, or even thought about for over a year. 
With this break (as well as writing another novel while waiting), I've noticed three things so far:
1. A long break makes editing (and reading other's opinions) a lot easier. I understand that the book is far from perfect. And being aware that it needs work comes a lot easier. Though, I'm not going to lie, there's still a sting!
2. Plot points I would've considered "okay" are absolutely not. Being far removed from the world of WISHES MAYBE, I can look at things with a critical eye.
3. My muse has had time to recover. When I wrote WISHES, MAYBE, I was a soaked sponge that was wrung dry by the time I typed The End. But now I'm full of new ideas for the book. Ways I can make it better, more real, and un-put-downable!
So, what about you? What's your method to editing? How long do you wait to "dig in" to your edits?

Query Critique #19: TOBIN'S WINDOW

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear ____,

Tobin wanted to be normal. He wanted to make his accountant parents proud. More than anything, he wanted to have friends. But Tobin couldn’t focus on the world around him long enough to do any of those things. It would melt away and a new world would erupt from the depths of his mind. He’d be standing on an enormous white ship with blood-red sails. Thunder would roar from the dark sky above him and bolts of lightning would hammer the raging sea. In front of him, Captain Red Eye, his left eye glowing red, would be smiling cruelly, ready to steal Tobin’s soul.

Just as he began to find the willpower to control his tendency to daydream and ignore the call of the captain to battle, Tobin found himself standing in an underground room miles below his aunt’s house, staring at a window. He watched as green mist rose lazily from a small opening in the red-paneled window and knew that if he ventured through, his daydreams would soon become his reality. Tobin glanced up the endless stairwell he’d descended and shuddered as he reflected on the predictability of what awaited him if he turned back. Smiling, he reached out toward the window and pushed it open.

I didn’t make an inline comments in the first two paragraphs because I wanted to look at it as a whole. I don’t want to be the one to say this (because query letters are SO AGGRAVATING and PAINFUL to write), but what you have here isn’t a query letter. In fact, everything in the first two paragraphs could be condensed into one-two sentences, introducing Tobin and his daydreams. For example: Sixteen-year-old Tobin prefers his daydreams to reality, so when given the chance to permanently escape the real word through a window—he takes it.

After this, you would go into what the window is, talk about the conflict Tobin faces in this new world (i.e. Captain Red Eye) and the conflict (like trying to get home or having to defeat the Captain and save everyone aboard his ship).

Click HERE for a great breakdown of the query letter process. Make sure you check out Query Shark as well!

The 72,000 words of my young adult novel follow Tobin to a world beyond the window where he is the only one who can vanquish Captain Red Eye and free the hundreds souls the pirate has stolen. (You would’ve already explained this in the other paragraphs of the query letter).

 Here’s a reword of this paragraph and the paragraph following: TOBIN’S WINDOW (you put the title in all caps) is a young adult (what’s the genre? Fantasy? Scifi?) novel, complete at 72,000 words with sequel potential.

The Red Eye Series, Book 1: Tobin’s Window is my first novel. 

I’d be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. 

 Regards,

You’ve got some good groundwork for this query letter. Keep up the hard work. I know you can get there! Other than my concerns mentioned inline, from the tone of your query, TOBIN’S WINDOW sounds more like an MG (middle grade) novel than a YA. Make sure you keep the voice age-appropriate in your query and also make sure that you’ve had at least one person read your book before you query!

 If you edit this query and would like me to take another look, please send it my way! Best of luck!

Classics Challenge: Mid-Month Udpate

The Time Machine is one interesting book so far.
By interesting, I actually mean I don't want to live in H.G. Wells' idea of Earth in year 802,701. Luckily, that's 800,685 years away. So chances of that happening are very unlikely. 

Halfway through the book, the basics are as follows:
The Time Machine consists of a man (who is our narrator) listening to the Time Traveler (this is literally his "name" in the book) tell his story. The first chapter was a lot of theoretical science, dimensional talk, which I totally sort of skimmed. 
After this, though, the story picks up. The Time Traveler shows up to dinner with guests (of which our narrator is so conveniently present). Except the Time Traveler is worse for wear. He's bloody, limping, and covered in dust.
Thus, the real story begins. The future world consists of child-like people? that are about four feet tall, lazy, and not that intelligent, the Elloi. So far I've only gotten glimpses of the other race, Morllocks. They're described as being white and very ape-like.
And, courtesy of my dad's spoiler... I know that the Morlocks eat the Elloi. What?
Now I'm just waiting for this to actually happen.
I do have to admit I have a hard time taking H.G. Wells' idea of the future because it's so adverse to what I believe it would be (foremost that I don't believe in evolution so the concept of these weird "people" really stretches my imagination). But I'm interested to see where the story goes! Things look like they're picking up. 
Plus the book is only like 109 pages long. So, finishing the book isn't too much of a challenge!

Book Buying Frenzy

An innocuous email from Barnes & Noble sparked a book-buying battle that resulted in me adding seven new books to my growing collection.

(One of my purchases isn't pictured. USPS got slow on me!)
Getting each story was like Christmas--in August! For fun, I wanted to share some of my purchases with you (some I've already read and some I haven't!). Click on the pictures to visit their goodreads' pages!

Haven't Read. 

This book deserves a special introduction, simply because I have the honor of knowing the author! Cyrus Keith has been such an encouragement to me as a fellow writer. I've struggled to get my hands on this book for awhile and can't wait to finally read it!

Read.

Haven't Read.

Read.

Read.

Haven't Read.

Read.

Happy reading!

What I'm Up To

Back in mid-June I got to share some very exciting news with you guys. You can find the original post here. 
So, what am I up to post-agent-getting?
I plan to write a series on what to expect after signing with an agent. But I haven't experienced each step yet. So this time around, I'm sharing updates of what's going on with me writing-wise.
My agent and I have been steadily working on THESE WICKED WATERS. No major editing overhauls, just a few tweaks and changes. If things stay on track, we're hoping to be ready to submit to publishing houses after Labor Day. How exciting is that?!

Yeah, I can't quite believe it. Yet.
But as excited I am about THESE WICKED WATERS, it's not my only toasted bread in the Fondu pot (can you tell I'm craving something particular?). I'm also editing SECOND-HAND SCAVENGERS, my NaNo project from last year. I hope to have my first round finished in the upcoming days so I can send it out to beta readers.
On that note, if you're interested in swapping stories for beta reads, just let me know!
Isn't life exciting?

Query Critique #18: THE HEAVENS ABOVE

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear ____,

Espe, a town far from civilization (This is fine the way it is, but by changing a word or two you could really show an agent what Espe is like. For example, Espe, a one-stoplight town in the boondocks. See what I mean? But again, totally not necessary. This is a good hook as it is!), may seem to be a is the perfect chance to start over. But fifteen year old Brian knows that moving in with his homicide detective father to one of the Texas' most dangerous towns will only put him in more trouble.

Since Brian's hostility lead to his mother's death (How? This is a question you’ll want to answer.), he has been fighting the monster inside him. Grief stricken and determined to prove that his mother's death was not his fault, Brian finally lets frees the monster come out strong when a midnight graffiti turns to a murder witness (Do you mean that he witnesses a murder?). He agrees on helping the murderer in all his crimes (Why does he do this? It’s sort of clear in the next sentence that it’s so he can see who might’ve been his mother’s killer. But couldn’t he have done that while working with the police? Or snooping in his dad’s office? This is a point in your query that you want to make SUPER clear. Since it’s Brian’s motivation.). It does not take him long to find criminals with his father in their hate list which gives them potential to be his mother's killer.

As he Brian dives into the bloody (Pick whatever word you want, but I think an adjective would help to describe what kind of crimes Brian is committing. Jay-walking is technically a crime ;) ) crimes and meanwhile digs deep about the researches (I’m sure you can find a better word for this! I just think the less words here the punchier it will be!) criminals, nasty secrets of the town’s dark history is revealed. His mother's death was an accident, but the deaths that are to follow will be the consequences of his misdeeds.

THE HEAVENS ABOVE is a young adult mystery novel complete at 67,000 words. The first chapter is included in the attachment below.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

You’ve got a very nice query letter here! It’s almost perfect. The concept of THE HEAVENS ABOVE is very interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a YA mystery novel quite like this one. When the protagonist is an anti-hero. Practically antagonist, in fact. Great job with the original plot!

I don’t have much to say down here since the majority of my comments are inline. But I do want to comment on the last “plot” paragraph. One thing that this query letter is missing are stakes. Is Brian in danger of getting caught by the police? If he doesn’t keep helping the criminals will he be killed too? Does he have a change of heart? Does he have to make a major decision that’s going to impact the rest of his life?

I’m not 100% sure what your book is about, but those are just guesses. The “stakes” are basically what the character stands to lose.

You could definitely “beef” this query up a little more with plot. When I pasted it into MS word it came it at 196 words. The best place to be is around 250 words. So you can stand to plug in some more details!

Best wishes with your query letter! If you want me to take another look at any of your edits, just ask :)

Classics Challenge: H.G. Wells

"The past is but the past of a beginning." ~H.G. Wells
Before today, the most I knew of H.G. Wells (or shall we say Herbert George Wells) was the (female) character in the SyFy network's show, Warehouse 13. In this post, all that changes.
Wells is another English author, born in 1866. As a child, Wells was often ill. At seven-years-old he suffered an accident that left him bedridden for months. His parents feared he wouldn't make it to adulthood.
In his early teen years, Wells worked as a draper's assistant--a job he despised. He longed to continue his education and did so after winning a scholarship to Normal School of Science.
After graduating college, in 1895, Wells published the novel that makes him a well-known author, even today: THE TIME MACHINE.
THE TIME MACHINE became an overnight success and led to the writing of his other works, science fiction and and nonfiction alike.

Writerly Things to Learn from H.G. Wells:

1. Hard work can get you what you want. Wells came from a poor, working-class family, but his determination to receive a formal education earned him a scholarship. Don't give up on your dreams!

2. Branch out. Wells didn't stay in the science fiction rut. He branched out to nonfiction, other types of fiction, and produced movies of his books!