Vlog #24: How Jewelry Inspires Writing

Classics Challenge: "Jamaica Inn"

This book.
Ohhh, this book.
Let me summarize my feelings regarding "Jamaica Inn" in one sentence: The book was accidentally returned to the library a week-and-a-half ago, and I didn't bother to check it back out.
I mean, sheesh! I don't know what it was about the book that kept me from reading with relish (I mean joy, not yucky hot dog condiments). The plot seemed interesting enough when I added it to my Classics Challenge list. Which I feel has been a major fail, by the way. I can't count on one hand how many of the thirteen books I've enjoyed.
Regardless, "Jamaica Inn" was not my cup of tea. And I'm not a picky tea drinker--for the most part.

Query Critique #22: KNIGHT

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear ______,

The world is in chaos.Humanity no longer exists. Only A Knight could save us (This is more a logline that would go on a book cover. Your query letter starts in the next paragraph.)

It was The year is (You always talk in present-tense in query letters.) 2045. New World, Africa and Europe were the competitors compete for survival. They went to lengths to destroy each other. The New World was in the backhand, they realized the asset Private Sanders was. He went to Africa for his first mission- kill civilians.  He gained some quick kills but it overturned as they captured him.

He was saved by the New World  in a rescue op. He missed fragments of his memories and left to connect the dots all by himself. The fragments had the potential to thwart the New World from survival. The space shuttle launched for Titan crashed as a result of third party interference. Hopes of survival crashed along with it. The re-emergence of another enemy tightens their woes. Will he battle for good? Or Will humanity plunge into extinction by 2048? (Don’t end with questions!)

I am seeking representation for my debut (What’s the age range? Is this Adult? Young Adult?) Science Fiction novel, “Knight” KNIGHT at 60,000 (This is fairly short for a scifi novel.) words. Given your specialties and clientele, this project would be apt for your list. I hope to hear from you soon!

I saved the majority of my comments for down here, mostly because I think your query letter is very bare bones and could use some fattening up. The sweet spot for query letters is 250 words and yours is waaay below that.

Furthermore, the explanation of this future world is confusing with a new entity called “New World.” Considering 2045 is less than thirty years away, consider explaining this country more.

An explanation of your main character is also necessary. Suddenly “Private Sanders” is thrown in as an asset, but we know nothing about him: age, personality, etc. Consider giving him his own introduction sentence, not bogged down by world building.

Finally, I’m not sure what the plot of the book is by basis of this query letter. At first it seems like Private Sanders is going to have a pivotal role. Then he’s captured, then a space shuttle crushes and becomes the main character for the rest of the query letter.

My advice is to take a look at your story and outline the most important plot points. Then work those into a query letter. Best of luck to you!

Farewell, Old Times

Back in June, my lovely agent yanked me and THESE WICKED WATERS from the slushpile. Which turned my slogan, a young adult writer braving the slush pile, on it's head.
Since then I've procrastinated remodeling my website...
Until today.

If you get this post via email, I'd advise visiting my website and exploring--quite a few things are different!
For those of you who clicked (or tapped) to get here. Explore! I've made some changes: color scheme, layout, new signature, etc.! Let me know what you think. 
And, can I just say, I hate website design. It takes so long to figure things out. We writers have it tough.

Query Critique #21: PULLING ME BACK IN

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear ______,

Blending two timelines (“Timelines” threw me off a bit. It could be the word choice or it might me. You might not even need to mention the blending of two timelines because that’s not entirely clear from the rest of the query. But if you think it’s necessary, consider something like Alternating between past and present, or something like that.), PULLING ME BACK IN (Great title!) is New Adult women’s fiction with romantic elements, complete at 87,000 words.

GWEN PRESCOTT Gwen Prescott (You don’t need all caps for queries, just synopses.) thought she had her life had her life figured out by the age of eight: she would marry her best friend, JEFF CRAWFORD Jeff Crawford, and work as a museum curator. However, after a steamy teenage affair that caused her to rebel against her parents (Why did it cause her to rebel? Who was the steamy affair with? Jeff?) and put up with Jeff sleeping around (How would an affair make her put up with that? Are they more than friends?), her world collapsed (This seems a little cliché.) when he ran away from home and never contacted her again –and her (This implies that he never contacted her again without coming out and saying so.).

Now aged twenty-four, Gwen works at a gallery in NYC (Instead of “works,” could you be more specific? What’s her exact position?), well on her way close to achieving her lifelong ambition (I think “goal” or “dream” might work better. “Ambition” is just like drive or motivation.). She’s convinced herself her love for Jeff was an illusion, an unhealthy fixation fueled by hormones and adolescent fantasies, yet she’s still unable to let go. (I think you should combine the first and second sentences and cut the “ambition” altogether. It is clear from the second paragraph that her goal is to work as a museum curator and she’s well on her way. Plus, combining the two sentences helps with flow. For example, Now twenty-four, Gwen is a curator’s assistant (or whatever she happens to be) at a gallery in NYC and has convinced herself that her love for Jeff was an illusion, and unhealthy fixation… Just an idea. See if you like it!) A photo of Jeff in the newspaper announcing and his presence in the city stirs Gwen’s past feelings, and make her question whether she’s capable of being happy with anyone but him.

When Gwen sees Jeff again (Is this a chance meeting? Might want to describe this a little more), the sexual attraction that always drew her to him as a teen overwhelms her reignites, and past pain is put aside for the chance to be with him forgotten. But acting like the submissive girl she used to be once was risks puts her in danger of another broken heart., and She’ll have to choose whether to stay with him regardless of how much he can hurt her or fight against his pull and risk losing him forever. (This is a little convoluted for me. I think you need to clean it up and make the stakes hit home. The way it reads it sounds a little like Jeff is abusive. Here’s a suggestion: Gwen finds herself torn between staying with the man she loves and protecting her heart.)

PULLING ME BACK IN combines the flawed characters and messy relationships of an NA romance (Not all NA romance’s are messy so I think you can do without this.) with the complexity and sensibility of Emily Giffin (Is there a specific novel of hers you can point to?). This is my first novel. While it stands alone, I’m currently working on two related books. (Consider putting the first paragraph down here as well. That way all the information about the book is in the same place.)

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

You’re off to a great start with your query letter. I think a little tweaking and delving into the plot more would make it perfect! If you make some changes and want me to take another look, feel free to send it my way! Best of luck with NoQS! 

Vlog #23: Back With Big News

Classics Challenge: Mid-Month Update

Jamaica Inn is a dark book.

Okay, in that sentence book = first five chapters.
But still.
The book begins with the main character, Mary's, mother dying after a six month illness. Since her father passed away years before, she's left an orphan. Off she goes to live with her aunt at a remote lodging-house called Jamaica Inn.
Mary remembered her aunt as a jovial woman fond of frivolities.
That was before her aunt married an abusive, crazy, ape-like man. Now she's skittering creature afraid of everything. Mary finds herself trapped in this drafty old inn with a terrifying Uncle.
The one redeeming quality is Mary's attitude. She takes everything in stride, isn't entirely cowed by Uncle Joss, and takes to exploring the moors.
I'm not sure this is going to be a book I'm going to finish. It's hard to describe, but there's something missing in the writing style. Don't get me wrong, there are moments of great prose and the characters are real enough, but the story itself isn't engaging.
Then again, who knows? Maybe come October 31st I'll be reporting that I loved "Jamaica Inn," just like I did with "Gone With the Wind."

YouTube, We Meet Again

It's been awhile since I posted a vlog on my YouTube page. Six months, to be exact.  The hiatus has been a good one. With the extra time not filming, I was able to finish editing three of my books, written in 2015. Plus I got an agent and am now on submission with THESE WICKED WATERS. Which is a pretty awesome development. Now that I don't have unedited novels haunting me, I can devote more time to my vlogs. Which is so, so exciting. To show you guys how invested I am, I went out and bought a microphone so my videos' audio quality won't be so white-noisey. These vlogs will be short. One to five minutes in length. I'll talk about a whole range of things: writing, reading, my life, the querying/submission process...everything! To make sure you don't miss a video, subscribe! Every second and fourth Friday at 3 PM EST a new vlog will go live. And this Friday so happens to be the second... P.s. Just a shout out! Today is my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. Love you both!

What Should I Call You?

I agonize over my characters' names. My search history is packed full of baby name websites, name meaning websites, you name it (haha, get it?). Names are a big deal.

Which is why, as I'm brainstorming a new trilogy, I'm struggling to think of the best name for my female MC. For the most part, names just "come" to me. I don't have to spend much time doing research. Like my male MC, whose name is Malachi, in case you were curious. His name popped into my head without much prodding.
My female MC is being more stubborn (not to mention a whole cast of characters I haven't even considered yet!). Which means I'll be scouring the internet for the best moniker. I have something goddess-y in mind. Or at least Roman-sounding.
What about you? How do you come up with names for your characters?

Classics Challenge: Daphne du Maurier

"I have no talent for making new friends, but oh such genius for fidelity to old ones." ~ Daphne du Maurier
Our classical author for the month of October is Daphne du Maurier, a famous English author. Daphne was the daughter of a well-known actor-manager Sir Gerald du Maurier and actress Muriel Beaumont. Her first novel, The Loving Spirit, was published at the age of twenty-four.
The novel Daphne is most remembered for is Rebecca, published in 1938. It sold three million copies between 1938 and 1965 and has never gone out of print. Rebecca, as well as other of Daphne's novels, have been adapted into film including this month's read, Jamaica Inn.
People coined Daphne a "romantic novelist"--a title that she despised. Which is understandable, since none of her stories had traditional happy endings.
Daphne died at the age of eight-one in 1989. She was succeeded by three children, as well has her literary works: short stories, novels, plays, and film.

Writerly Things to Learn from Daphne du Maurier:
1. Use your connections. Coming from a celebrity family, Daphne ran in elite circles. Using her mother's magazine, Bystander, she published her very first short stories. Her literary career boomed from that point onward.
2. Be careful of plagiarism. Daphne was accused of plagiarism in two of her works: Rebecca and The Birds. While it didn't hurt Rebecca's sales, it didn't help Daphne's reputation. If you're dubious about whether you're copying someone else's idea. Stick to the safe side of the street and write something else.