The Cold Shoulder

Those who know and love me would attest, without a doubt, that I'm not one to complain. Sickness, sunburn, hunger... I keep my lips zipped and suffer silently.
--Okay, none of the above is true. At all.
I'll admit it, I'm a huge complainer. And not only that, once I start to complain about something, I don't stop. Like sunburn. It drives my friend Natalie crazy (which is partly why I do it, shh!).
But as I'm sitting at my desk, writing this blogpost for it's Tuesday, 3 PM EST publishing spot, I feel rather uninspired. Instead, I'm too focused on the fact that I can't breathe out of my nose and hear out of my right ear! Not to mention the plethora of tissues piled up at my left.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm sick.
A week into fall and I managed to catch myself a cold (when I'm not even good at baseball!). 
*Commence Grumbling & Complaining*
I'm hoping by the time Thursday rolls around I'll be feeling lots better. And able to type a more interesting blog post for you guys.
Send me lots of orange juice, cough drops, and uninterrupted sleep!

Idea to Pages: Building My World (Part 1)

Emily Layne's Steps to Write a Book:
Step One: The Inspiration & Jewelry Step Two: Prepping My Muse Step Three: Building My World (Part 1)
Up next on my blog series, Idea to Pages, is the first part of Step Three. I'm building my world!
Normally, I would research and implement the main setting of my book during this stage--and I will. But SECOND-HAND SCAVENGERS is jam-packed with historical events. Which means lots of fact compiling before I even nail down the "future world" that one of my main characters is from. At first I thought all the research would be daunting. I can't say I ever loved history class. 

But boy was I wrong. History is so interesting! I won't spoil it, but I've chosen eleven time periods to visit from early AD all the way to the late 1900's. Society has evolved and changed so much since then. It's amazing! Not only has my study given me a better understanding and respect for history, but it's also inspired ways that I can mold the world's future in 2965 (when my book takes place...sorta). With the past groundwork laid and cemented, next stop... the future!
Don't miss Part 2 of Step Three: Building My World.

Pardon the Mess

One of the many responsibilities that accompanies being a writer, other than being crafty and a genius (haha) is owning a website.

And at the moment, mine's under a little construction.

I hate html.

If you've followed me from the beginning, my website's undergone a great many transformations, usually every three months or so. I get an itch, okay?

But really. I want my website to be perfect, quirky, and professional. It's going to take some work to get it right. And as it should. A website is potentially the first thing someone will see about me. I want to be worthy of your attention.

That said, Blogger does not make things easy. I'm scouring the Internet looking for tips and tricks. So, until I'm finished (I'm hoping by Wednesday), things are going to look a little funky.

Like the title says, Pardon the Mess!

...and if you have a website! When's the last time you did a little maintenance? Hmm...

Vlog #18: Wherefore Art Thou?

Query Critique #5: ONE OF YOU WILL BETRAY ME

My thoughts are added in red. I’ve underlined any places where I offer an example for a rephrasing. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear [Agent Name],

An ugly family secret haunts high school basketball star Yasir Thomas, but he doesn’t even know it. From the beginning, his grandmother has been lying about the identity of his real father to keep the secret under wraps. Still, Yasir has no idea (To start, this is a really interesting hook. Especially the first line. Ugly family secret? You’ve got me intrigued! Though I think you could make this punchier. In fact, you could probably condense these three sentence into two. For example: An ugly family secret haunts seventeen-year-old (Whatever his age is, make sure you add it, agents like to know these things up front if you’re not saying what your genre is in the first paragraph!) basketball star Yasir Thomas. A secret his grandmother planned to hoard until her last breath. Until… <-- This is where you would detail how Yasir found out about who is real father is.).

Until he finds out. Now, all Yasir wants to do is meet his real father. But it might be too late. His grandmother—who he believes is the key—has fallen into a coma (Why does he believe his grandmother is the key? The less question agents ask while ready a query, the better. The only thing you want them dying to know is how the story ends!).

 Unfortunately, he has to find another way. He is sidetracked, however, when his long-time enemy, Raymond Mitchell is released from prison for the intent to sale one kilo of cocaine. Ray believes Yasir ratted him out to the police and has come back for vengeance—no mercy (When I first read this, it made me worried that your book has two main plots that conflict eachother, so you might want to tone this down a little bit into something like: Without his grandmother’s answers, Yasir turns to [insert whatever Yasir decides to do next], but is thwarted by Raymond Mitchell. Ray, just released from the clink for a crack-deal gone south, is out for Yasir’s blood, believing Yasir ratted to the police about the ill-fated deal.).

Yasir (finds himself stuck with ß Just a rewording suggestion) has two choices: finish off Ray so he can get him off his back (which can land him in a prison cell for life) (This doesn’t seem like a big enough motivation for Yasir “finishing off” Ray, just to get the guy off his back. Maybe something like finish off Ray before Ray can enact his sick revenge ) or live in danger while searching for the truth about his family's (it’s not his “family’s” past, right? It’s his past. So maybe don’t use the word “family’s”) past. Either choice will leave him constantly watching his back. Yasir’s choice is made and he is shell-shocked at the result. The ugly secret stares him right in the face and it involves his mother (You kind of lose steam at the end here. You need to slam this one home. Leave the agent scrambling for the “reply” button so he/she can request more. You’ve set up the stakes with the “two choices” sentence, now you just need to put a pretty bow on it. Cut the about three sentences and insert something like But whatever path Yasir chooses, it will change his life irrevocably or something like that. I’m sure you can think of a better sentence.).

ONE OF YOU WILL BETRAY ME (lovely title!) is an African American fiction novel (Unfortunately, African American fiction isn’t a genre. I’m assuming this is young adult. So it would be something like: ONE OF YOU WILL BETRAY ME is a young adult [insert sub genre] novel that follows the life of an African American teenager coming to grips with his past and future. It is complete at 74,000 words) complete at 74,000 words. 

Thanks for your time and consideration.

Best,

           

[Author’s Name]

Closing thoughts:

The basics of your query letter are definitely there! You just need to hone and shape it into something worthy of your story. Definitely include how Yasir finds out about his father/grandmother’s secret, as that is a big point in the plot. Also consider adding what puts his grandmother into a coma. Did she have an accident? Is she dying? As a totally unrelated side note, I really love your title! It sounds both poetic and dangerous.

If you want me to take a second look at your query letter or if you have any questions/need clarification, don’t hesitate to ask.

Survivor's Guilt, 103 Years Too Late

April 15, 1912, 2:20 a.m.

1,517 Deaths out of 2,224 Passengers.

1 Iceburg.

. . . R.M.S Titanic

My research for SECOND-HAND SCAVENGERS has whisked me through decades of history--from 40 AD all the way to the 1960's. Even still, the one event lodged in my mind and heart is the fateful voyage of the R.M.S. Titanic.

The Titanic is such a well-known historical event, and I knew I had to put it in my book (even though the "jump" to 1912 is an accident). This determination also meant immersing myself in Titanic's history...

And tragedy.

As I read and watched countless films and documentaries about the Titanic (I highly recommend this one), my heart grew heavier and heavier. I found myself torn apart over the lives that were so unceremoniously silenced.

It was then, I suddenly realized, I had survivor's guilt--over something that happened 80 years before I was born. It's strange, isn't it? But true, nonetheless.

In search of history for my book, I came across a deeper understanding. The human race has endured hardship and destruction, but also triumph, and joy. Each moment is like a piece of wet clay, as it is molded into a work of art. Although I can look back to 1912 and see anguish, I can also look to the present and gain understanding.

Because of the Titanic:

• The number of lifeboats on ships would equal the number of passengers, instead of the mandated 16.
• Safety drills (muster drills) would be performed by passengers and crew before every voyage.
• 24 hour radio watch and distress rockets would be required--so any calls of distress would not be missed again.
• An international ice patrol began and is still done today by aircraft.
• Ships' designs were altered to increase safety.

In a way, I could owe my life to the Titanic tragedy--which is so strange to consider. For, in May 2013, I was aboard Grandeur of the Seas when it caught fire at 2:50 AM. I remember the panic of being rushed onto the muster deck and fear of seeing the lifeboats lowered. It seemed so unreal and still does, thinking back on the event.

If not for the Titanic, what would Grandeur's fate have been on that early morning, two years ago? 

I prefer not to imagine, though I rest in the comfort that our Artist, the Designer of our world and its history, planned for it to happen. Maybe for the very reason that the Grandeur fire was just a blip of news and not a historical tragedy.

I hope that as I write SECOND-HAND SCAVENGERS I can pay homage to those lost and those who survived the sinking of the R.M.S. Titanic. It will be a challenge, but a most worthy one.

"Listen Well, All of You!"

...To quote Maleficent.

How do you read books? With your eyes? Or, maybe, on occasion... with your ears?

I'm talking about audiobooks. Not some new kind of technology that lets you see with your ears. (That would be kind of weird.)

I've always been a big audiobook fan. There are some books that seem interesting, but I can't quite get into without someone reading aloud. In fact, there are a lot of books I would've abandoned, if I hadn't been listening to them. My roommate/sister knows the woes of this. Many times while I'm rudely listening without headphones, she complains about the plot or how stupid the characters are being.

This usually earns her a "Be quiet, Maddie! UGH!"

One of the things I love about audiobooks is you can "read" on the go or while doing monotonous tasks. I've been hooked on Robin LaFever's His Fair Assassin series (the audiobook version--the print version didn't do it for me years ago). At the moment, I'm on the final installment: Mortal Heart. All the narrators have been AWESOME. I listen Mortal Heart in the shower, while I'm cleaning, eating, and driving. It's great! Hand-free enjoyment.

(Feel free to click the pictures, they'll take you to the Goodreads page!)

So, when was the last time you listened to a book for a change? You never know, it might open up a whole new, unexplored literary world!

Ah, wait, I forgot. Audiobooks do have one downside.

You can't skip to the end to see what happens ;)

Query Critique #4: THE PENDRAGON'S SON

My thoughts are added in red. I may underline a sentence to draw attention for discussion. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear Agent,

Based on your interest in fantasy novels, I’m pleased to introduce (or you could say, “I’m pleased to submit for consideration”) THE PENDRAGON’S SON, an adult fantasy complete at 111,000 words. Prince Vaeldhei, the son of King Arthur and apprentice to Merlin, battles to change the tragic prophecy ruling the life of his misguided half-brother, Mordred (I’m not 100% sure you need this sentence. Why not jump straight into the query letter?).

Prince Vaeldhei, an apprentice wizard, wants nothing more than recognition from his father, King Arthur (I think you could actually get rid of this name. Vaeldhei is a prince in Camelot and the title is THE PENDRAGON’S SON. I think an agent can connect the dots ;) Plus it would cut out a name in the very first sentence, which kind of bogs the hook down. Just an idea!), and a place in Camelot. When his unwelcome half-brother Mordred arrives, Vaeldhei seizes the opportunity to make his mark in Camelot by helping Mordred , despite the stigma attached to his name. The dire prophecy surrounding Mordred is (maybe “an infamous legend” or something like that. To make it sound more dire and mysterious) known throughout the land—Mordred is destined to ignite a war that causes the destruction of King Arthur’s kingdom. No one dares question the finality of his fate, except for Vaeldhei. (I don’t see how helping Mordred would help Vaeldhei make a positive mark on Camelot. In fact, I could see how it would make King Arthur very unhappy haha. Does Vaeldhei have a different motivation you could draw from? Maybe since Mordred doesn’t have a place in Camelot or recognition from his father, Vaeldhei thinks they could find it together? Or he feels sympathy for Mordred and wants to help? Just a thought.)

Realizing there must be a catalyst to spark change, Vaeldhei thrusts himself into the fierce battle for Camelot’s future. Though King Arthur and Mordred are both set on their dark path, Vaeldhei interferes (How does he interfere? One thing you don’t want in query letters is to have agents asking questions. How the book ends and what happens next—yes. How characters get from point A to point B—no), vowing to protect his broken family and his kingdom. However, provoking fate may prove fatal for the naive prince (I think you could make this sentence pack even more of a punch. Like maybe fate can’t be changed and Vaeldhei will be caught in its vengeful crosshairs. Or something like that! I’m sure you can think of something better).

An excerpt from THE PENDRAGON’S SON received Superior Awards from the Association of Christian Schools International (ACSI) Creative Writing Contest and the ACSI Regional Creative Writing Festival (Congratulations!). It will appeal to fans of Arthurian tales such as Marion Zimmer Bradley's Mists of Avalon and George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones series.

I have a minor in Literature from Richard Stockton College of NJ, as well as a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, and three Associate's degrees. Currently, I am a Dental Hygienist, and I live in Pennsylvania with my husband, my books, and my reptiles (I’ve heard a lot of things regarding author bios. The rule of thumb is to only add pertanant information that actually applies to your book. For example, I’d cut the other degree and your occupation, instead keeping the minor in Literature and how that experience prepared you for an Arthurian retelling).

I’d be happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Final thoughts:

One thing that you really need to ensure is that your query letter stands out and screams to an agent, “PICK ME!” Of course, this is something every query letter should do, but since you’re doing a retelling that has been retold many times over, you have to show an agent how different your book is from everything out there. I think you’ve done a good job of that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a retelling told from King Arthur’s son before—or Mordred trying to avoid his fate!! You just need to hone the Prince’s motivation, since that’s what the plot is hinged on. Throw in a bit more information in the third paragraph and I think you’ve got yourself an awesome letter! Good luck! 

Vlog #17: I Got A Bookshelf!

A Writer's Best Friend

As I began prepping for my next book, I came to a sudden realization.

What would I do without the Internet?

No, seriously. Think about it. Before the Internet, writers would do things like this:

And this:

And this:

...Okay, maybe not that. But the Internet is a huge tool that has become so ho-hum and humdrum. Without it, I'd be plopped down in a library for hours (not that I don't already do that...). Instead, say I have a simple question while plotting. Like... "When did the Titanic sink?"

A few clicks, a dash of keystrokes, a quick scroll and selection--then, BAM! My answer. The whole process only eats up seconds.

So, let's take a moment and give a toast to the writers of old. Writers who didn't have a wealth of information at their fingertips and had to go about it the hard way.

Here's to you!

5 Steps of Allergy Acceptance

The time is upon us...

Those with Fall Allergies are preparing...

The tissues, the eye drops, the anti-histamines...

I too am one of these Fall Allergy sufferers. I'm knee-deep in itchiness (mostly my eyes). But, guys, it's still technically summer. What in the world? Ensue the Grieving Stages below.

1. Denial
My nose is a little tingly. I don't have allergies. Puh-lease.

2. Anger
Summer isn't even over--WHAT IS THIS?!

3. Bargaining
I don't need to take my allergy meds yet. It's just a tickle...

4. Depression
Goodbye, bonfires, hikes in the kaleidoscope of color. Hello, hiding in my house with windows shut.

5. Acceptance
Here's to a pill-a-day until everything dies (aka winter).

Happy allergy season, fellow sufferers!