ELEMENTALS, Chapter Seven

Classics Challenge: "Pride and Prejudice"

It'll be a blow to my "pride," but I have to admit it...
I didn't finish PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. 
I know, I know! I'm so ashamed. This is setting a horrible standard for the following books in my Classics Challenge. To assuage some of the guilt, I'll tell you that I tried. I really did. You can even use my sad, deer-in-headlights look below as proof:

  All the reasons I mentioned in my Mid-Month Update made it difficult to keep reading. Plus February being a short month and me being only halfway through by the 20th...
Though I love romance, I don't think I'm one for romantic books. Or at least books that don't have at least some kind of danger/battle lurking on the horizon (and by danger I don't mean the rejection of a marriage proposal). 
Drama obviously isn't my thing.
Alas, all I can hope is that things will be looking up next month. I pray THE GREAT GATSBY doesn't disappoint!

ELEMENTALS, Chapter Six

A Study in Contradiction

This weekend I accompanied my friends to a particularly crowded mall in a particularly crowded city where I was startled by an unexpected surprise. If you know me at all, this is not my element (vast dislike for surprises). But this did open up an interesting vein of thought for myself, as a writer and human in general.
On the writer side of things, I tend to make a study of people: strangers, friends, family members. Saturday's adventure offered plenty in the "stranger" category. Malls, anyone?
I like to watch people; see their mannerisms, the way the walk, talk, and smile when they think no one else is looking. People are interesting.
Which has brought me to a conclusion. While I believed myself to be studying people, I've really been studying something else: contradictions.

People are contradictions of themselves. This is a wonderful revelation for a writer! With this knowledge characters can be rounded out, villains can be loved as well as hated, and plot decisions will be hailed as that makes sense instead of why did you do that, stupid?!
Confused? Let me explain, using myself as an example.
I adore romantic anything and everything. But the idea of having someone to romance makes a million fears explode in my mind.
Surprises (as stated above) are not my cup of tea because they can't be planned. But at the same time, I relish the excitement of expecting one thing and something even better happens.
I love to have my alone time. But after awhile, I get lonely and crave the attention of someone else.
The very word adventure sends a thrill through me. But I have a very hard time jerking myself out of my comfort zone to experience said adventure.
Get my point? 
We are species of contradictions, so our characters should be too. Have a hopeless romantic afraid of falling. A guy who loves marine biology, but is terrified of swimming. Conjure a villain bent on destruction, but desires above all to keep her family safe.
Not only do these quirks make characters realistic, but they also add conflict. Because, really, where would the magic be if we didn't have something to overcome in life?

A Writer's Kind of Valentine

For some, Valentine's Day comes in two flavors: relationship or single. 
...Ehhh

Though I'm most definitely unattached, I prefer to look at Valentine's Day in shades of grey. Mine was a peppy just-after-it-rains hue which involved pampering, splurging, chocolate, James Stewart, and fondue.
A girl has to treat herself every now and then. What better excuse is there than Valentine's Day? So treat myself I did. I won't go into the details of my purchases, but I will share the one I'm most excited for:

The Book(ish) Box. A monthly subscription box for book lovers. Coincidentally, I won't get this "gift" until March. But I'm a patient girl. I can wait.
Is it March yet?
One thing I did get to enjoy the "day of" (or shall we say "Friday of") was the fondue. This has subtly become a Layne tradition every Valentine's Day. Which I totally, 100%, and irrevocably approve. As you can tell by the loving joy in my face below.

Now fondue is the kind of delicacy that has to be eaten with an activity. Movie, board game, painting your nails... You see what I mean. The first selection was My Fair Lady. A movie I'd never seen, but it had Audrey Hepburn and the musical was referenced in a particularly sweet episode of Call the Midwife so I thought, Why not? A perfect pick for Valentine's Day!

I wanted to like it. Really I did. But just... I'm sorry... NO.

But in swooped James Stewart so save the day! Or should I say, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Oh, Americans. If we only had a man like this Mr. Smith in the senate today...

Also another "if." If someone like this character exists in the real world, well, maybe I'll have a different color for Valentine's day next year.
Ahem. That aside, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington was a fantastic movie that had me sweating right along with Mr. Smith during the cinema-famous filibuster. Was that too much information? Oh, well.
After the movie I traipsed upstairs and got ready for bed. 1) Because it was 9:00 and 2) I go to bed early, okay? 
But it somehow I ended up on me eating the entirety of the nine salted caramel chocolates my dad got me.
Woops.
All in all, it really was a marvelous Valentine's Day, and I'm already looking forward to next year.  What about you? How did you spend your Day O' Love?
I hope it and all the days after are truly "loverly." (Yes, I did get to that part in My Fair Lady!)

Query Critique #8: INFLEXIBLE

My thoughts are added in red. Every comment is my own opinion. Readers, feel free to leave your own comments below and help a fellow writer out!

If you're interested in a Free Query Critique, follow the link for more information.

Original Version (with comments):

Dear Miss,

I'm seeking representation for "inflexible" (Usually in queries, titles are written in all caps, like INFLEXIBLE. Love the title by the way!) an 110,000 word science fiction (Capitalize “Science Fiction”) Dystopian novel (Is this adult, young adult, or middle grade? An agent needs to know the target audience up front. When you leave it blank, I’m assuming this is an adult novel),   where revenge story sets in the future world (Not quite sure what you’re trying to say with this sentence). I'm submitting to you because I've read  that you are interested in science fiction, diversity and political intrigues. Thus I hope my novel will capture your attention as well (Great job personalizing! I’d say if you are going to personalize it, you might want to go a step farther and mention some books the agent represents, etc. Obviously you’re only going to query an agent that is interested in science fiction!).

THOUGHTS ON PARAGRAPH 1: You did a good job introducing your book, word count, and genre as well as personalizing the beginning to the agent. I’m not sure you actually need the “where revenge story sets in the future world.” Instead, consider jumping into Paragraph 2 below. That is where your story starts!

In the future world only 7 seven (this is just personal opinion, but “7” really pops in a bad way in this paragraph when it’s written as a number. But it could just be me being silly!) countries have are left after the brutal war (“the” brutal war? Do you have any more information that could ground the agent? Also, you have to be super careful of typos and sentence wording. Agents are harsh, but they will be less likely to want to see a manuscript if the query letter is overly mess. Just a tip!). However in the country where Peter lives nobody should know about it (It being the war? Also, you might want to clue us in on how old Peter is). Population thinks that only two countries Suez and Sanisty are left and this two countries are playing dominant-submessive roles perfectly (This sentence has a few typos in it, you might want to look back and consider some rewording). However, the real mysteries are the secret computers, which built destroyed planet at the end of the war, but like everything has its price, these computers need biological bodies to work regular. A little main half-biological detail is inserted to the chosen kids bodies and all those kids are locked in special prison and are treated horribly.

THOUGHTS ON PARAGRAPH 2: Things are a little messy here. First of all you have to check your wording and grammar to keep things clear. Also, it’s a lot of telling. Could you show through action about these computers and quasi prison camps that the kids are forced to live in?

Peter managed to escape at age 11 and swore to revenge, however part of him wanted to live like a normal kid shall live (Okay, so that first paragraph was all backstory about Peter? How did he escape? One of the things you want to avoid in query letters is making the agent ask questions. The only thing they should be wondering is about how the story ends!). Clashing his two wishes made his personality split (huh?!). In the present Peter lives like a normal orphan boy which is raised by his uncle and heartless killer Josh at the same time. Peter knows everything about his dark side and because of that he's under a horrible stress. He has to decide what to do, to forever forget about his revenge or rejoin both his parts and complete his revenge. During his hesitation, things takes place in his life, which forces him face his past once again and go the deeper past of his countries. He knows, that path of his revenge, directly is connected to the period at the end of the war and if you dares to follow his path, he may forever destroy not only his life, but be the cause of Millions of death. 

THOUGHTS ON PARAGRAPH 3: This sounds like a very interesting plot! Things are just very bogged down as they are by typos and oddly phrased sentences. You might want to start at the beginning and rework how you want this query letter to flow. Ask yourself these kinds of questions:

1. Who is the main character? The agent needs their name, age, and something compelling about them that makes them interesting/relatable (this last point can be shown throughout the letter).

2. What characters have to be mentioned (i.e. are critical to the plot). You don’t want too many characters bogging down your query letter. You did a good job with that here!

3. What is the overall arching plot? It seems like your query letter is jumping around a lot. It’s important to start with the beginning of the story, instead of slogging through backstory.

"Inflexible" Is the first of planned series

Thank you for your time and consideration

Best wishes 

FINAL THOUGHTS: Like I said earlier, this does look like a very promising story, and I don’t want you to get discouraged with any changes that might need to be made—it’s all worth it in the end. Let me know if you want me to take a look at any edits that you make. Good luck with INFLEXIBLE!

ELEMENTALS, Chapter Five

Mid-Month Update: "Pride & Prejudice"

I might as well admit it up front and honestly...
I don't like "Pride and Prejudice" as much as I've enjoyed the other books in the Classic Challenge. Not to say that reading the book is painful, but I'm not excited to pick it up. There could be three reasons behind this.
1. I've seen the movie like a million times. Both the BBC original and the American remake. I'd tell you which I thought better, but I don't want to start a riot. Knowing how the story is going end isn't a huge driving force toward turning pages. I know all the twists and turns already.
2. It feels like Jane Austen is making fun of me. What in the world? You must be thinking. She's been dead for over a hundred years. How could she be making fun of you? Well, let me explain. When I read, I read to relax. I don't read to nitpick what characters say or try to comprehend complex plot points. Well, with "Pride and Prejudice" this is impossible. Suffice to say, Jane Austen is too witty for me. I don't understand quite a few things that Elizabeth (and other characters) say. And my pride just can't take it.

3. The old fashioned language is a stumbling block. Yes, it existed in Little Women and Wuthering Heights, but I think this language is somehow older. Not to mention the print size in my book is painfully tiny. I have to remind myself not to squint--hello, premature wrinkles. I'm only 23!
So, there you have it. My reasons for not enjoying "Pride and Prejudice" as much as I thought I would. But I'm determined to struggle through. Hopefully come the end of February, I'll have a glowing report to leave you.
I always love happy endings.

Wading Into Editing Waters

Last month I posted about how I'm editing THESE WICKED WATERS via the Kindle app on my tablet.  Well, I've just finished the first round. 64 pages of notes later, and I'm ready to make changes (read: lots) to my book. A book that I once thought was 100% perfect.

Sheesh. Kinda embarrassing, guys. Like, embarrassing to the tune of fifty query letters sent out. And fifty subsequent rejections.
But these changes are going to be epic. I am so, so, so excited. It's like comparing the mess that was The Hobbit trilogy to The Lord of the Rings. (Hint: the new version of TWW is going to be LOTR)
It goes to show you, that sometimes you need a HUGE break from a WIP to make it really able to shine. In fact, this time last year I started writing TWW. Crazy how things move so fast, isn't it? Well, this time around I'm going to move slow and steady...
And win that race!
Er, agent.

The Dreaded Typo

Typos are the last thing you want to see in your writing. Not only are they embarrassing, they make it look unprofessional and sloppy. Kind of like this horrendous typo I discovered in Anne of Avonlea. Twice! 

If you're a Anne of Green Gables fan you understand why this is such a big deal. It's Anne with an 'e.' The main character even says so herself! Sheesh. Typos, see what I mean? They're bad.
As a writer (or just someone in general), you should work hard to avoid typos at all costs. Which is why I'm going to offer a few worthwhile tips, young padawans.

Emily Layne's Tips for Typo-less Texts:

1. Read your book in a different format. Print it out. Stick it on your tablet/Kindle (how to here). Seeing the words in a changed venue will make things pop out that wouldn't before. I'm noticing tons reading THESE WICKED WATERS on my tablet!
2. Listen to your book aloud. Not only does this guard against typos, it helps you pinpoint awkward phrasing. Of course you can read aloud to yourself, but the voicebox wears out after awhile. A bunch of free text-to-speech options exist. I use NaturalReader and have it downloaded to my computer. The basic version is free. Which makes using it even sweeter. If you don't mind clicking "close" every five-ten minutes.
3. Get a beta reader. Confession time. Sometimes, we're just too close to our work. We need an outsider to read it and point out things we miss. Which is why beta readers are so valuable! Get yourself one (I even beta read; you can ask me!) ASAP!

Classics Challenge: Jane Austen

"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort." ~ Jane Austen
Moving right along to authoress number three in the Classics Challenge! An interesting pattern to notice is that Ms. Austen, as well as Emily Bronte and Louisa May Alcott, never married. 
Jane Austen's childhood was filled with sibling adventures and creative pursuits. Ms. Austen's father encouraged his children to read, opening up his extensive library to their young minds. Ms. Austen grew very close to her older sister Cassandra. They were sent away to boarding school together only to come home with typhus. Ms. Austen almost died from it! Imagine a world without her novels! No Mr. Darcy? Gasp!
Ms. Austen's first story was Love and Friendship, written in a series of letters that parodied romantic fiction. Some of her most popular works were Elinor and Marianne, First Impressions, and Susan.   Oh, wait. 
You don't recognize the names? Probably because the titles were changed in publication! Elinor and Marianne became Sense and Sensibility. First Impressions was christened Pride and Prejudice (a novel Ms. Austen called her "darling child"). Susan was renamed Northanger Abbey.
After her father's death, Ms. Austen and her family struggled financially. They moved from relatives' homes to a rented flats and back again. They finally established security after moving in with Ms. Austen's cousin. At this point, at the age of thirty, Ms. Austen began publishing her works under a pseudonym until her death in 1817.

Writerly Things to Learn from Jane Austen
1. It takes time to cultivate popularity. While Ms. Austen was alive, her books were popular, but nowhere near the acclaim they have today. Furthermore, no one outside her family even knew she wrote novels like Pride and Prejudice or Emma! It wasn't until after her death that the "secret" was revealed!
2. Write what you know--or at least have experience with--and enjoy. Ms. Austen's stories revolved around the most difficult game of her time: romance. Her wit and observation blended with the society around her to create darling books that are popular in various medias today.
3. Physical condition doesn't dominate your imagination. Even while suffering what some believe to be Addison's Disease (which eventually claimed her life), Ms. Austen continued to write and edit her older works. She didn't give up until physical infirmity forced her pen to still.
4. Reading is an important part of writing. Jane Austen read extensively as a child--and it shows!